Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Untitled WIP Wednesday

I have been slowly working on a story, in between notes for other stories, that I can't quite place where it will go. Could go scary, could go noir. Haven't decided yet. It is centered around a man picking up a beaten up girl after her beaten up car calls it quits on her miles from town. It leads him into a dark driveway he has never before seen in a town he knows all to well. this is the last little bit that I have written in it.

She got out, her spirits brighter already. “Thank you,” she said and handed me my phone. In the low light I could see how pretty she had been. The shadows hid most of the bruising. “Can you come in for a moment?” There was a hint of an East Coast accent in her voice.

“I really can't, but if there is anything I can do for you, just give me a call.” I reached into my shirt pocket and handed her one of my business cards. They were cheap, but they did the job.

She took it and looked it over, flipping it in her fingers like she had my phone. “I will.”

10 comments:

Cate Gardner said...

Couldn't it be noir and scary. :D Please.

Jamie Eyberg said...

Cate- I have been thinking that it could be. I just haven't figured out the hook to pull it in yet.

Davin Malasarn said...

Great short scene! I like the lines, "In the low light I could see how pretty she had been." and "They were cheap, but they did the job." Your ending was spot on as well.

Aaron Polson said...

Yes...scary/noir please. Give us a modern Falling Angel (great book)

Carrie Harris said...

Another vote for scary noir. I'm trying to come up with a silly name for it, but the best I've got is scoiry. Which sucks.

Jamie Eyberg said...

Davin- Thanks! I can't wait to see what the rest of it looks like.

Aaron- another book to add to my list.

Carrie- you made milk come out of my nose.

Natalie L. Sin said...

I can never go full-blown noir *sigh* I have too much faith in humanity, it seems : P

K.C. Shaw said...

I go for scary and noir both. Or you could make it scary and noir AND poignant, which is my favorite. You're well on the way to poignant anyway. I really want to know more about those characters from just the snippet you posted.

Jamie Eyberg said...

Nat- once you lose that faith in humanity it is easy. Try working for Wal-mart or as a contractor sometime.

K.C.- I don't know. That sounds like a pretty tall order. I'll see what I can do. ;)

Danielle Ferries said...

Definitely scary noir.